Sorry I have not been around

Things have taken a strange and depressing turn in my life. I am not going to whah whah here!
Im am hugely frustrated with my REAL job search!
I have learned so many things about looking for a job... for one if you are over 40 yrs. old, applying for a new restaurant job is like shooting yourself in the head.
( no offense to all the young talented people that can do the job)
I have over 20 years of experience, I take every job seriously. I am damn good at it.
I hate to sound over confident but , between clay and waitressing, I can do both very well.
I would say my clay skills could need more work than my customer service skills.
Does any of this matter to you?
I believe it does, when you are not making money at with your art and cant seem to be hired at open jobs that you fit in to is a very depressing subject.
I know I am not the only one out here feeling like this!
I am not looking for sympathy, I want to know I am not alone.
I have applied to over 100 places scince last September!
So needless to say it has kicked my ass emotionally, I left home,acted out like a jerk, got hurt from being around people I dont know . ( the great escape I will be understood) Nope ( dont make this mistake) VERY damaging! hurt my family,almost lost every thing I know that has been right in front of me.:(
So at the moment I have been trying to repair the damage I have done from being a selfish lil bitch.
This is actually  really uncomfortable for me! I am a very private person.
I hope I didnt make you all  uncomfortable, I hope that this will open doors. For us all, just to survive.
On a final note.... I do not do coupons, the reason why is my best experiences  have been through people contacting me and asking for deals or special ( custom) orders.
I will give everyone a deal if you contact me.:)